Stories by NothingPretentious

Harry Potter and friends kick back and relax at the First Annual Post-Voldemort Party And Jamboree. What did Bill Weasley refer to as his "Rod of Wonder"? Where is Crabbe Castle? How did Voldemort get an army of steampunk ice giants? Who is Albus Baker? What does Hermione need the chloroform for? Why is Ginny a lich? Get ready for none of these questions, and more, to be answered.

Following the fall of Voldemort, it is up to the Gringotts goblins to carry out the terms of the Potters' will. What will happen when young Harry Potter - halfblood, Parselmouth, curse-scarred, outsider - is raised in the stalagmite city of Underfoot?

Literary nonsense, with a question mark next to 'literary'. Just unmitigated Alternative Universe poppycock in the form of alphabetic verse.

Ron might end up getting killed chasing after his damned 'fortune and glory'. But not today. * Just a somewhat silly oneshot. *

Consider the curiously humanoid mandrake root, or mandragora. It is hideously ugly, deadly dangerous, and a powerful restorative. Why would anything else matter? * * A tale of horror. Please review. * *

"Do you have any wands?" - "Well," Ollivander exclaimed, "I'm afraid we don't get much call for them around these parts, sir." - "Not mu-? they're the most popular tool for casting spells in the world!" - "Not round these parts, sir," Ollivander smiled.

"Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.

When an infant Harry is rescued from the Dursleys to be raised by his Were-uncle Moony, his Godfather Lord Black, and his time-turned future self, the biggest question is obviously... who gets to be the daddy? T for language, otherwise safe. ON HOLD.