Stories by Inconsequential

Short drabbles on the myriad ways being a metamorphmagus can seriously trouble one's husband or thrill one's cousin... and the ways Polyjuice and invisibility cloaks can complicate life...

...one Squib, to be exact. Argus Filch, dissatisfied with his appearance and himself, decides to live his dream working in a Polyjuice brothel. In a place where you never know the true identity of your client, who knows who you might wake up next to?

Young Dumbledore avoids Divination. Involves charmed goats, Nicholas Flamel's camera, a Jewish wizarding school, an alluring Hufflepuff, and a number of 19th century Muggle philosophers and literary theorists. Now slightly AU lighter and happier than DH.

Subtle Deathly Hallows spoilers As Tonks waits for Lupin's return, she ponders such things as the STDlike nature of lycanthropy, the similarities between Greyback and Michael Jackson, and neon orange fetuses. Strong T rating for mature themes.

Oneshot. A response to the immensely convoluted plot of the final book, which gives Harry very little opportunity to demonstrate... that Gryffindor intelligence. Watch, and be amazed.

An Elf fighting in the Last Alliance is transported to a strange place, for some things which never should have come to pass have occurred, and things which should have been remembered have been forgotten...

What does it really mean to be a hero?

The most unlikely creature imaginable, a Hobbit? We think not! In our humble opinion, the least likely creature would be... well, can't you tell by the title? Despite the humorous premise and summary, this is not predominantly a humor story. I tried t

This began as a parody of... well, the title pretty much explains it. But now it appears to have morphed into a dumping-ground for all my Mary Sue parodies. Enjoy! *New Story Up, in Chapter 3*

A tale of the inner workings of a neglected player in Tolkien's history. Who is Gollum and where did he really come from? *COMPLETE*

My first Tolkien fic. For this reason I'm keeping it, though it stinks. Review if you're feeling sadistic or genuinely like my style. Not a self-insert or a Mary Sue, by the way, if that helps.

Bilbo Baggins tells his adventures to the world... with a little help from Peter Jackson and the cast of the Lord of the Rings movies.

Just a small story on immortality...

Hey, everyone's doing it-here's my own story of the time I spent in Arda.