Stories by Sarah1281

No one wants to face a long-distance relationship but Dorian has an uphill battle ahead of him if he wants to have any hope of convincing Lucas Cadash that even if dwarves do have it pretty good in the Imperium that whole Herald of Andraste thing means he really, really shouldn't move there. Lucas may or may not be planning out their entire future. For dwarf appreciation week.

Lucas Cadash may hold opinions that regularly cause his advisers to want to tear their hair out in horrified frustration but there's one thing he's determined to get right and that's his relationship with Dorian. Enter Varric and wouldn't it be great if they could get some of those examples Dorian can't seem to find on his own? Romance can't sell THAT badly. Look at Cassandra.

Lady Aeducan might be back and a big hero now. She might destined for paragonhood and her indulgence may be all that keeps Rica with her son and off the streets. Still, Rica remembers what she did to Bhelen and to all of Orzammar. She'll hold her tongue as a matter of survival but she has no intention of forgiving any of it. For dwarf appreciation week on Tumblr.

After the Blight, there's nothing keeping Aunn on the surface. Certainly not offers of Amaranthine and more warden duties. There's so much regret and betrayal but there's only one place she wants to be. Needs to be. It's time to return to Orzammar and see what remains for her when her House is in shambles and she may have doomed her people. For dwarf appreciation week on Tumblr.

Thrown out of the house before he even turned eighteen, things are not looking good for Stan. His mother can't change his father's mind and who knew if Ford ever planned on speaking to him again. He can't expect a miracle from them. But maybe it's not home or the streets. Maybe there's one last hope for still having a family. Thank goodness for older brothers. AU

The conversation had already not gone how Solas had planned it when he brought up the vallaslin instead of his true motives but it turns out the way culture changes over time is the least of Orwen's concerns. Namely, why is everyone so convinced that she has the vallaslin when they're looking right at her and yes, in fact, she's already had this conversation with her keeper. A lot.

After defeating Bill, Stan manages to get his hands on a time wish. Infinite pizza was a pretty good wish but he thinks he's got one better. 1982, Gravity Falls, moments before reuniting with his unraveling brother. Fixing things won't be easy but neither was teaching himself how to save Ford. This time things were going to be different. This time that portal was going down.

Stan's pretty sure that Ford will be grateful for this. He spent thirty years trying to save him, after all. But what if he's not? Ford always was a little weird about things like ignoring apocalypse warnings. Maybe it'd be better if he wasn't there when Ford came out. Maybe he should just deny everything. After all, Ford might be suspicious but he couldn't prove a thing.

It's Christmas Eve, 1979, and Ford is convinced his life is going great. He's doing important work with the two people he trusts most in the world in a place that finally accepts him. Then Stan comes crashing back into his life, from the future no less, with cryptic warnings of a dark future. By the end of this Christmas Carol he'll certainly have some life choices to reevaluate.

As Margaery's wedding approaches, she tries to figure out the puzzle that is Sansa Stark. She knows about how much her own interaction with Sansa was real. How much of Sansa was?

Fighting by the suddenly-active portal, a twist of fate sends Stan careening into another dimension instead. Fortunately, Ford knows a little something about fixing the portal he built and it's not going to take thirty years. How do you apologize for sending someone to another dimension anyway?

It's hard, still seeing Fiddleford around after their relationship had fallen apart. Harder still now that his old friend looks twice his age and has no idea who he is. After an accident with that carpet he really should get rid of, Ford has little choice but to spend time with Fiddleford fixing this. But Fiddleford chose to forget and Ford's not about to open that can of worms.

At a loss for how to get Dean to say yes, Michael comes to a startling realization. Lucifer is having the exact same problem with Sam and if they work together they're much more likely to get consent this century and can move on to killing each other in peace. He doesn't want to hear anything about how unconventional this is and, yes, the apocalypse is absolutely still on.

In the far-off future, once the game of thrones is won, Stannis takes a moment to survey his city with his heir. Shireen will make a good queen and knowing the realm will be in good hands once he's gone makes victory all the sweeter.

Sam doesn't want to get ready for their guy's night out with Crowley. In fact, he doesn't even understand why they have to hang out with him instead of just killing him like the king of hell who has caused them plenty of suffering that he is. Dean tries to get him to see that really it's for the greater good. This may take awhile.

The Starks and the Lannisters agree on a prisoner exchange after all that leaves Sansa travelling to Riverrun to reunite with her mother and brother. She may not know what her future holds but surely it's brighter than the fate of being Joffrey's wife she left behind. For now, all that matters is while she may not be at Winterfell she still found her way home.

Sam finds a lamp and a genie appears, ready to grant all Sam's wishes. His name is Gabriel and he promises he's not THAT Gabriel. Really. Sam's had too much experience with djinn to want anything to do with this. Once freed, Gabriel doesn't really feel like leaving and Sam and Dean can't figure out how to make him. It's okay, though. He kind of grows on them after awhile.

After unexpectedly encountering an old friend who wants nothing to do with him out of fear for her life, Castiel is forced to confront the fact that he may have a dead friend problem. That's alright, though. It's not like Sam and Dean can't relate.

Eamon really thought that all his plans were coming together personally. Then Alistair inexplicably sacrificed himself to end the Blight and save his betrothed. Somehow this means the nobles want Anora back. It's occurring to Eamon that perhaps his fortunes are about to change.

Crowley uses his influence to enact his version of hell a little sooner which makes for a very strange situation when Castiel arrives to pull Dean from hell. Just how much nudging will the Winchesters need to prevent the apocalypse anyway?

When Samuel doesn't die shortly after seeing Sam with his soul for the first time, there's a lot Sam wants to ask him but somehow he doesn't think he really wants to know. But Castiel wasn't always there and it's not like Dean's ever willing to give him answers about the monster he was for a year and a half.

After the war, so much is uncertain but Arya and Sansa know two things: they regret all the childish hurts from years ago and their sister has done nothing that needs forgiveness.

Stannis wins at Blackwater. He's nothing like what Sansa expected her savior to be and is no one's idea of a dashing knight but, just the same, she can't help but hope that this just man will finally allow her to return to her family.

When Sam decides not to let his father out of his sight to go summon Yellow Eyes, Dean ends up dying. The angels really need him to still be in play for the coming apocalypse and so they send him back. Now Sam and Dean have a lot of questions and isn't it just wonderful that John's available to try and answer them? Just how much does John know about the apocalypse, anyway?

After it's all over, Sakura isn't sure why they're even bothering to pretend that they need to decide Sasuke's fate. Everyone knows that they've been planning to just ignore everything he's done since he left Konoha years ago and she honestly can't see a little thing like, oh, every little act of high treason Sasuke's committed since then changing any of that.

After being called upon to come pick Theon up from the hospital, Robb is understandably concerned. The last he'd heard, Theon was just supposed to be on a date. It turns out Theon has a good case to make for having been on the worst date ever and Robb's going to have to have talk to Domeric about having set Theon up with his...problematic brother. Theon/Robb Modern AU.

When Gabriel stood against Lucifer, he never expected to be the Archangel left standing. Michael's not happy but it's occurring to Gabriel that he has a lot of things to say to this brother, too. Hopefully this reunion will be a little less stab-happy than the last one.

Balon rebels before Theon can leave for Pyke and Robb's bannermen expect blood. It's not going to happen but he figures it's only polite to hear them out. Theon/Robb. Some elements of crack.

In the aftermath of his successful battle against Stannis, Renly's already small family has shrunken even further. As he makes his plans to continue his campaign for the throne, he attempts to understand why he can't stop thinking about his dead brothers. He and Stannis had never gotten on in life so why should his ghost be so difficult to get rid of in death?

Balon is glad to have another heir, and a male one as well, but looking at the child he knew there was something not quite right. He wasn't loud or fierce like his brothers and even Asha and he just wouldn't stop smiling. Alannys could tell him he was being ridiculous all she wanted but somehow he just knew that this was going to be a problem.

Joffrey is a little annoyed at still having to listen to his mother as a king but is perfectly willing to go along with her plan to try and preserve peace by sending Ned Stark off to the Wall. Petyr Baelish has a few ideas about how to throw a spanner in the works. But, as he reminds Joffrey, he's completely in favor of Cersei's brilliant plan.

Robb hadn't seemed pleased that two wards, two marriages, and a squire were the price of a simple river crossing. Catelyn hadn't quite known how to tell him that they had gotten off easy given the demands that Walder Frey had started with.

From the moment Theon left, Robb never quite managed to stop waiting until they'd see each other again. At first he'd thought to have a happy reunion. Then he knew better.

In the afterlife, a few of the most likely suspects try to figure out which one of them was the most responsible for the myriad of problems facing the ninja world.

After the events of the Winter Soldier, Natasha meets up with Clint and has a few pointed questions about where he was when everything was going down and they could have really used him. In his defense, who checks their work phone when they're at Disneyworld?

Danzo was never pleased about the loose end that Sasuke represented but he could live with it. Three years of the kid living it up with the killer of their Hokage later, 'not pleased' might be a bit of an understatement. Tsunade could never understand just why Danzo didn't push for Sasuke to be in the Bingo Book but Itachi is really being quite unreasonable about the matter.

Naruto pesters Sasuke while he's training delaying him getting home. He's so late, in fact, that Itachi simply doesn't have time to wait for him to arrive and discover the massacre and has to go looking for him. But once he finds them how is he really supposed to get Sasuke back home and stick to his script without making the whole thing just seem really weird?

It might have been the hardest decision of her life and Shepard understands that Kaidan is struggling, too, but she is in no state to sit back and let him tell her that she left Ashley Williams to die because she couldn't be professional enough to see her past her feelings for him.

On Jotunheim, Loki discovers that Thor is a Frost Giant before Thor is banished to Midgard for going there and attacking. With Thor disgraced and banished and a Frost Giant to boot, Loki should be elated. Somehow he's not.

Loki was, in fact, was allowed to have visitors at the start and Thor made sure to visit regularly. Odin quickly realized that perhaps that wasn't the best idea.

Trying to help Earth-born Shepard find her family, Liara makes a rather startling discovery. Really, the Illusive Man could give Miranda's father a run for his money as far as bad parenting goes.

Post-Thor Odin tries to make sense of all that has changed in the short time he was in the Odinsleep and wonders just when everything went wrong.

While Sherlock is dead, Mycroft and John keep in touch. Pre-season three.

Loki, disguised as a simple soldier, returns to Asgard to tell the Allfather of his own death. Odin is cunning, though, and saw through it immediately. Or at least that's what Loki thinks happened.

Peter Pan returns and decides that, now that he no longer needs Henry dead, he'd like to be a part of his great-grandson's life. Emma does not approve.

Thor and Loki have resolved their differences and Loki returns to Asgard about as repentant as can be expected. Odin and Frigga are pleased by this but rather horrified that their sons have fallen in love with each other in the process. Non-Thor 2 compliant.

Henry being Neal's isn't accidentally revealed to him and so he lets the group go on their way back to Storybrooke without him. Now Tamara is put in the somewhat difficult position of trying to get him to change his mind so she can go try and destroy magic when he has some pretty valid reasons to stay away.

Frigga thinks Odin is being too severe with Loki by depriving him of ever seeing her again and doesn't wish that for herself either. Odin explains that he won't really keep them apart for all eternity but he has to be strict or Loki won't take the situation seriously. Surely Loki will understand and be reasonable about this!

A week before Thor's scheduled coronation and everything spirals out of control until Loki falls into the void, Loki receives some ghostly visitors who think that maybe Loki's plan could use a second look. And a third. And however many it takes to make him try something else. Asgard doesn't even celebrate Christmas and yet he still has to put up with this useless Midgardian tripe.

Emma tries to figure out what she feels about sharing her son with the evil queen, whether Regina is going to stay good for Henry's sake, and just why she hates Snow White so much in the first place. Maybe the middle of the night's not the best time for all these worries but it's not like she'll be sleeping anytime soon anyway. Set sometime in season two.

Loki decides to take Thor's final offer to just forget the whole evil thing and come home after all and works with them to end the battle that much quicker. That works for the Asgardians but the Avengers, particularly Clint, are not too pleased about this. Helping stop his own invasion or not, he did kind of try to conquer the world.

Thor has just broken the news to his friends that, once again, Loki is dead. This time it's definitely true. They have to admit dying in Thor's arms is pretty compelling evidence but how many times does Loki have to die before it sticks?

If Shepard had to pick, she'd probably lean more towards the Paragon side and she's working towards gaining enthusiasm for being humanity's (and then the universe's) big hope. Still, a paragon has never been a saint and there are some things that must never ever seen the light of day. Ever. Well, maybe if she lives long enough and someone offers her a book deal. But not until then.

Everyone knows that John Watson is a good doctor and enjoy having him around at the clinic. The only thing stopping him from being a truly great one is his odd tendency to run out of there at odd hours muttering something about Sherlock. Some of his coworkers try to figure out just what a 'Sherlock' is and if they need to call someone about it. Really, they're just concerned.

One day, John comes home to find something that looks suspiciously like Sherlock watching Christmas specials. He doesn't quite know what's going on but he will get to the bottom of this. Or at least take a truly dizzying amount of photos for his blog.

Of all the people who could be given an early intervention, Tom Riddle would probably be the most beneficial and the most difficult. The wizarding world was a powder keg that might just explode anyway but at least there would be no Voldemort to deal with. It may be Christmas but the three spirits will *need* a miracle to pull this one off.

When the Illusive Man holds Shepard and Anderson's fates in his hand on the Citadel, the situation looks bleak indeed. Fortunately, Shepard was not nearly as prepared as she could be to save the galaxy and this might somehow save the day.

Finale AU. Lex coming back from the dead isn't exactly news at this point but this time, things are different. This time he knows Clark's secret and so, in the tradition of everyone who has ever discovered Clark's secret, all of the rest of it is just meaningless details. If only Lex were a little quicker on the uptake. Clark does have a planet to save, after all.

Sooner or later, every character gets their shot at a second chance. This is Peter Pettigrew's. He may not deserve it but he certainly wasn't happy with how things ended up. The only question was how to get a better future without having to possess the kind of bravery that the lack of had sent him running to Voldemort in the first place...

Emma Hawke has never been the most subtle or sane of apostates, much to the annoyance of the brother that can only watch in amazement and horror as she stumbles her way from refugee to noble to champion in a city as bizarre as she. Eventual AndersXHawke.

Severus got his wish when Voldemort decided to stun Lily instead of killing her. With her husband and son dead, what is there for her in this world? And without Lily's sacrifice, will there be any hope for the wizarding world? AU

Loki had given a lot of thought to what his punishment might be but this one might be the worst of all. Apparently he was going to be redeemed. By THOR. That was such a bad idea it was painful. Where was an abyss to be thrown into when you needed it?

It all started with an innocent question from Brian leading the Doctor to consider the possibility that perhaps there is still something he can do for Amy and Rory. In the past, the pair have to decide what kind of life they would like to lead and take steps that may yet bring them home. A fixed point is a fixed point but what exactly did they see? Post Angels in Manhattan.

When a chance meeting reveals Harry's planned fate to Lockhart, he knows what he has to do: rescue him and raise him as his own to properly manage his celebrity status. Harry gets a magical upbringing, Lockhart gets the Boy-Who-Lived...everybody wins!

Having not been banished, Thor's the one who comes across Loki and the Casket. His legendary stubbornness comes into play when he just refuses to believe Loki could be a Frost Giant no matter how much proof he's given. Well, at least he has faith. AU.

Not all of Regina's nightmares involve losing Henry or the peons remembering themselves and coming after her. Sometimes, Regina dreams of Daniel and tries to pretend she doesn't know what he'd think of her quest for vengeance, for justice.

Molly, Lestrade, Donovan, Anderson, Mrs. Hudson, John, Mycroft, and Irene are all convinced that they are the only one who knows the truth about Sherlock and must hide it from each other. Naturally, when Sherlock does come back it all gets rather strange

Little Clark comes home with questions about why being near Lana makes him dizzy and a little sick and Jonathan thinks he knows the answer. Clark's got his first crush. It's not like there's any OTHER explanation for these symptoms, after all...

Countless millenia in the future, a Shepard who chose the blue light ending has lost almost everything of the person they used to be. As time passes and organics fall into the same tired patterns, Shepard must make a choice they never thought they would.

Contrary to what Shepard might think, what the whole galaxy might think, the Illusive Man hasn't lost his focus or his mind and his goals are the same as ever. Humanity first no matter what the cost. They had better stay out of his way. Spoilers for ME3

Especially when the woman you cheat on is THE Commander Shepard who is once more a hero to the galaxy. It's even worse when she has her own personal reporter to tell HER side of the story to the galaxy at large. This could be a problem. Spoilers for ME3.

To a spying Obi-Wan's complete shock, Padmé manages to convince Anakin to abruptly quit the Sith and run away with her. Just like that. With no regrets. After killing all those younglings. Can he even do that?

After running into Jacob again, one thing he said stuck with her. "The Normandy's your real love." That can't be true, can it? Shepard's uncertain and that doesn't bode well for the future, no, not at all. If they even have a future. Spoilers for ME3.

It all starts when Henry figures out who Gold is and tells him that Belle is alive. That sets the ball in motion and soon the curse is breaking left and right. None of this, however, means that Emma is at all obligated to believe that there is a curse.

After being cornered by Kings Midas and George and forced into an engagement he doesn't want, James seeks out Rumpelstiltskin to let him know just what he thinks of the altered agreement and must consider how much the possibility of true love means to him

AU ending to Fruit of the Poisonous Tree. After Regina reveals that she embezzled the money to build a playground Emma gets a text reminding her that embezzling for a good cause is still illegal. If only there were dozens of witnesses to her confession...

After Clark discovers Lex has an entire room devoted to investigating him he decides to stay and hear how Lex can possibly claim the giant picture of him is really all about Lex. He makes a valiant effort but in the end it's still a creepy stalker room...

Missing scene from Fruit of the Poisonous Tree. King Leopold's motivations for finding the man Regina loves aren't quite what the Genie expects. As he said, he wants *everyone* in his kingdom to be happy and Regina is definitely in his kingdom.

Post-Smallville, Lex tries to piece together the life he can no longer remember. One name in particular keeps coming up and so he invites Clark Kent for a meeting to discuss the past and how things ended up the way they did.

In the wake of Sherlock's destruction at the hands of the press, Mycroft reflects on the part that he had played in the whole debacle. He may not have been the one to do it but he enabled it and no amount of well-meaning clichés would make him forget it.

After being gone for a year and taking down Moriarty's criminal empire, Sherlock decides to reveal himself to John at the graveyard. Surprisingly, things do not go the way he expected them to. At all. Post season two.

Sally Donovan was, against all odds, right about Sherlock. She had been waiting for this day and thought it'd never come. She should be happy, she should be horrified, she should be...in the end, he was just a lunatic and always let you down. Post-Season2

A chance observation from Sherlock leads John to finally figure out exactly what position Mycroft holds in the British Government. Naturally, he's shocked that Sherlock didn't know. Even more naturally, Sherlock himself couldn't care less.

Faced with nothing better to do, the Trio break out Monopoly. Complicated by the fact that Ron's never played before and this IS Hogwarts, the game somehow becomes rife with outrageous corruption, lousy service, and jail time for minor traffic violations

Though the Doctor was trying to get to Barcelona, the TARDIS takes him, Amy, and Rory to early 20th century Wales instead...and right in front of Jack a full century too early. Surely he'll be reasonable about the Doctor's need to preserve timelines...

Gwen knows she hasn't done the right thing in the past and she isn't sure she's doing it now but she needs to explain it to him at least once and let him react, even if he can never remember it. Altered version of Gwen's confession about Owen in "Combat.

When a freshman Clark wakes up twenty-five years into the future and can't reach his parents or Pete, he turns to Lex to help him figure it out. What a wonderful opportunity this is to correct certain aspects of their past...

Rose let it go at the time because she had bigger problems but when she and Ten are more comfortable with each other, she has to know: Jack? Staying behind to rebuild Earth? Really? Without saying goodbye? REALLY? Someone's got some explaining to do...

The time has finally come for Naruto and Sasuke's final battle...well, almost. First comes Naruto's appeals to stop trying to kill everyone, Sasuke's blatant rejection of facts he doesn't like, and a bit too much fondness for arguing from them both.

Instead of hiding in London, the Plasmavore takes refuge in a Santa Barbara hospital. Now instead of a doctor with a crush, the Doctor's got a psychic detective and his partner at his side as he attempts a life without Rose but with plenty of pineapples.

The TARDIS is probably destroyed and the Doctor is suddenly faced with the prospect of a sharing a mortgage with Rose. This should make him happy, right? He does love her, after all. He's just never done well with being trapped and this time it's forever

They might not be friends anymore but Lex's mansion is still a nice place to hang out. Of course, Lex is evil now so anything he does must be evil as well, even if it's just building model cars. What kind of a person would he be if he didn't confront Lex?

After yet another instance of Amy being kidnapped and describing the man she loves in terms that any sane person would think referred to the Doctor, Rory decides to confront Amy on her apparent inability to sound like she's talking about him.

After Kara regains her memory, Lex confronts her about moving back in with the Kents and how exactly she regained her memory. It would have been easier to slip out unnoticed but if Kal-El can bluff his way through these encounters then so can she.

Rose wasn't trapped in a parallel dimension and so has continued to travel quite happily with the Doctor for the past decade. Lately, however, she can't help but feel like she needs to move on and try to make some sort of life for herself back on Earth.

Rory, Amy, and the Doctor go back to Space Florida and who should they meet but Rose and Mickey, temporarily separated from their Doctor? Oh, this is SUCH a bad idea but Amy just can't leave well enough alone. Time for an impromptu reunion.

Post-Day of the Moon. Amy and Rory have a much-needed talk about Amy not mentioning her possible pregnancy, their disturbing habit of dying, how having a baby would mean leaving the Doctor, and what exactly they want to name their future child.

After a talk with an old friend about a completely human issue he's having with his son, Jonathan starts to wonder when exactly he and Martha stopped being normal. What would a normal person's reaction be to finding an alien child anyway? Adopt it?

It wasn't the Doctor's fault. Amy knew that, of course she did, and yet somehow it didn't seem to matter. It happened because of him and she had missed the signs. In the wake of "A Good Man Goes to War", Amy tries to come to terms with it all.

When Lex issues his ultimatum after the second meteor shower, Clark realizes just what's at stake and decides that he should really tell him, especially now that he's practically human. If only he could just spit it out...

The thing about Lex having no idea who he is, Clark has come to realize, is that it renders their history completely moot. Pointless. The fact that it looks like Lex's still going to be a villain makes his attempts to save him seem just as worthwhile.

Years of her life went into restoring the Eluvian and now with, one well-meaning possession, it's ruined. Was Marethari right? Would it only have ended in tragedy? Merrill didn't know anymore but she wasn't sure it mattered. It was her life to risk.

In which the Doctor realizes that by 2008, Amy's part of a dying breed and gets some firsthand experience about just how awkward it is to listen to people going on about being the last of their kind. Good thing he stopped doing that with his regeneration.

Isabela is halfway to Ostwick and not feeling even remotely guilty. Nope, not at all. She's just going to take the relic, get Castillon off her back, find a new ship and...oh, who is she kidding? This is all Hawke's fault.

Varania discovers that Leto is determined to enter Danarius' competition to be the lucky slave to get lyrium markings in the mad hope that he'll keep his promise to free her and their mother. She wishes she could be more strenuous in her objections.

The first lesson Fenris ever learned was to never trust a mage. It took years before Salomé Hawke managed to break through his walls. She had been nothing but kind to him for six years which is why he can't understand why she's just standing there.

Unexpectedly reunited in the Deep Roads together after years apart, Nathaniel and Anders discuss how much their lives have changed since Amaranthine and why what happened with Justice is at least a little bit Nathaniel's fault.

Leandra's parents don't react well to the news that she's planning on running off with an apostate no matter how many apostates Gamlen's run off with or how much of a romantic cliché the first meeting was. And Leandra had better not be pregnant...

Breaking the news was always going to be horrible but it would have been better if her sister had been the one to do it. Unfortunately, Aurelia never could manage to bring herself to visit the Circle so Gamlen was left to tell Bethany about her mother.

She'd always known that getting involved with an abomination wasn't the brightest plan but lately things had only been getting worse. Justice had never liked her and was growing stronger by the day. Still, it wasn't over just yet. It couldn't be.

Varric is well-accustomed to having to pay to keep his friends safe. Still, he had hoped that they had more sense than to PROVE that they had mages among them in the Gallows in front of Cullen. Apparently not. This part was being edited out of history.

New Orlesian Warden-Commander Fayle Fahlgai felt perfectly justified assigning Anders a templar stalker and making him get rid of Pounce but he never expected his predecessor Angélique Amell to take issue with this and force him to apologize...

Carver can see how much his sister resents their uncle and their mother is disappointed with him but he just can't see to hate him. He sees too much of himself in Gamlen and that's rather alarming. He really has to find that purpose of his soon.

AU ending to "Human Nature"/"Family of Blood." What if the Family had never found Martha and the Doctor? Could John Smith have ever had the life he saw in the watch? Even if he could, everything must end eventually. At least he knows everyone's safe.

From the stables, to the Chantry, to the Grey Wardens, to the throne. Alistair's faced it all with his usual levity and attempt to fulfill his sometimes conflicting duties and he'll continue to do so. A series of Alistair-related BSN prompts.

Anders had always known that he wanted to be free, even before he was taken to the Circle, and he wasn't about to let anything or anyone convince him otherwise no matter where the path to freedom may lead him. A series of Anders-related BSN prompts.

Zevran was born into slavery and lived to die but somehow fate always seemed to have other plans for him. Through his darker moments to his most unsuccessful assassination ever, he always came back in one piece. A series of Zevran-related BSN prompts.

The year is 9:29 and Howe is on the cusp of deciding to massacre the Couslands when he's visited by four spirits. Can they change his mind on the matter? If they can, just how will they manage to convince him and how 'changed' can he possibly end up?

Kmeme is most of the time all in good fun and some of it can be very nicely done. Sometimes, though...sometimes you get THOSE prompts that never should have existed. Prompts like Morrigan turning Alistair into a dog and the PC chasing after him. No smut.

Nathaniel may not have been around when it happened, but it was clear that his father's actions during the Blight had all but destroyed the family name. He wouldn't rest until he found a way to redeem them all. A series of Nathaniel-related BSN prompts.

Aunn Aeducan, practical if sheltered exile, knows only two things for certain: if she returns to Orzammar she'll probably end up actually committing fratricide at some point and it's about time to show the world what a dwarven princess can really do...

Alistair knew that the Landsmeet was supposed to be a very serious, very important affair. Unfortunately, the nobles decided to give Angélique Amell far more power than is good for her or Ferelden and so how could things not quickly devolve into chaos?

"Tell me you're not pregnant." Cameron and Chase talk for the first time since they finalized their divorce.

After Kabuto leaves, Aoba is left to try and explain what's happened to Naruto without revealing what's really going on...and Naruto, it seems, has plenty of questions of his own about this so-called 'S-rank ecology mission.' Recent manga spoilers.

Just before his Calling, Riordan is called upon to explain the events at the Landsmeet that led to Ferelden executing their Wardens and being overrun by darkspawn. It all started when they were judged too young to duel and Eamon was chosen instead...

Arl Howe's treachery takes Bryce Cousland completely by surprise. He should have seen this coming and now he has no idea if his family is even alive or how to get to them, he doesn't think he'll survive leaving, and they don't want to leave without him.

Against Loghain's better judgement, he charges at Ostagar and gets himself killed and the army decimated. In the aftermath at Flemeth's, Alistiar is left wondering why Loghain would do such a horrendous thing. Do or don't, it seems Loghain just can't win.

Angélique Amell is convinced that Morrigan would consent to being with another woman if only she were pretty enough. Morrigan, while admitting that Angélique is very pretty, is significantly less certain.

Anastasia Cousland confronts her betrothed about his hereditary elven appreciation everyone keeps telling her about and what it will mean for their relationship only to discover that, as usual, he has absolutely no idea what she's even talking about.

As Elva slowly succumbs to the plague, she remembers just how the Alienage had come to this point. It had all started a year before with two reckless fools who hadn't known how to keep their head down. She had known that it would eventually come to this.

Alistair attempts to bond with Reidin Aeducan by gossiping about their companions but when he insults Morrigan, who Reidin's involved with, then any attempt at bonding ends and things quickly take a turn for the awkward.

Ser Cauthrien thought she was ready for anything when she was summoned to Howe's Denerim estate but being confronted with the origin-confused Laiarda Mahariel bickering with Queen Anora about how to properly rescue someone proved that wasn't quite true.

Prince Cousland, a man determined to stop at nothing to be king, is well aware of the treachery planned by Cailan and Howe. They'd figure out about Cailan soon enough but if only they would listen about Howe! Maybe it would help if he were less obnoxious?

Angélique Amell is shocked and heartbroken when the Landsmeet won't let her be Alistair's Queen and so she decides to take the armies she's gathered up to Soldier's Peak until they change their mind. There's just one problem: they insist they won't do it.

The worst part for Reidin about making Harrowmont king was that he seemed to want Reidin to succeed him. He doesn't seem to understand the word 'no' but fortunately, Reidin has a backup plan to convince him: insist on making Leliana his queen.

Mary Sue Cousland has just had a brilliant idea: SHE can be sole ruler of Ferelden instead of Alistair or Anora given how much everyone loves her magical Cousland bloodline. Eamon's not quite convinced it will work but that won't dampen her enthusiasm!

The Cousland Warden married Anora so he could bide his time and then use his assassin connections to dispose of her and become king himself. Unfortunately for him, Anora's not nearly as incompetent as he seems to think and isn't about to let that happen.

The story of Zevran getting his hand stuck in a 'some dark hole' and attempting to free himself while Taliesin stands around being mostly unhelpful.

After Anders is brought back to the Circle after his first escape attempt, Irving tries convince Anders that he's going about resisting the Templars the wrong way but only manages to convince Anders that he deserves his contempt. For a BSN prompt.

When Nathaniel was younger, he had thought that his father's nose made him look like a monster. As Nathaniel grew to possess the same nose, he forgot this childhood fear and only now realizes that he had been right all along. BSN prompt.

AU. Ostagar isn't a massacre and the Orlesians help Ferelden defeat the Blight. In the wake of their victory, Cailan announces his plan to leave Anora for Empress Celene and Loghain tries to dissuade him from what he's sure is the end of Ferelden.

On Zevran's second mission for the Crows he was seduced by his beautiful mage mark and he agreed to speak to the Crows on her behalf...until she broke her neck while kissing him goodbye and he realized she intended to betray him all along.

When the Templar Aeife comes to take Anders back to the Circle for the fourth time, he is decidedly not impressed and, to her great annoyance, decides to rate her efforts to bring him back.

Caelavel Tabris had never expected that a year after taking the money and walking away, nobody would realize what she and Soris had done. Everything had gone so wrong...Even if no one else knew enough to blame her, she still shouldn't have come back.

Post-Blight Loghain and Alistair are stuck alone in a carriage together and all Alistair wants to do is mock Loghain's Orlesian paranoia. This was better than being eaten by the Archdemon, right? It was getting harder to convince himself of that.

Nathaniel's tried to ignore his morbid curiosity but he simply can't do it anymore. He needs to know if there are any truth to the rumors about how his father died and, if not, what really happened. He won't like what he hears but he needs to know.

In which Zevran must infiltrate a pirate ship in order to kill his current target and is seduced by his target's gorgeous wife. A lot. Maybe there was something to this whole piracy thing after all...

Alistair wasn't happy about it, of course, but Angélique knew that if they didn't spare Zevran and allow him to come along then they would, ultimately, be forced to conclude that Loghain was right and they were all too dangerous to be allowed to live.

During Anders' first escape attempt, he decides that the best thing to do is to get an earring. They looked awesome and would serve as a reminder that he didn't belong in the Tower. He only wished he was a little more certain she knew what she was doing.

Loilinar Ivo and Oghren Kondrat both knew that the other was really the personification of what was wrong with Orzammar and that drove them to argue like they did. Each time they saw each other was just another reminder.

Dulin Forender and Vartag Gavorn both knew what their places in the world were and the future King they intended to serve. Having the opponent on the throne would be a disaster but it was up to them to make sure that didn't happen...

The day before Zevran is to leave for his mission to Ferelden, he comes across a pair of fine Antivan boots in a store window. He almost buys them but refrains, knowing that should he manage to return he'll need SOMETHING to come back to...

Lord Helmi deeply resented his fellow nobles and the feeling was more than mutual. He just wasn't quite sure if it was worse to believe his peers were blind to the problems Orzammar faced or if they just didn't care.

In the wake of defeating the Harvester and escaping Amgarrak, Aunn Aeducan is left with one question: Why? Just...why? That would have been an incredible waste of time even HAD they managed to salvage that ridiculous and impractical research...

Lady Dace was well aware of how people saw her but it didn't matter. She was the embodiment of Orzammar practicality and she would do whatever it took to keep herself and her house on top.

The day before the expedition that is to kill Trian and get Reidin exiled, Reidin falls in his duel with Mandar Dace. Looks like Bhelen's going to have to quickly recalculate if he still wants to have Trian killed the next day...

Adal Helmi had always been more of a fighter than a politician and Aunn had always been her inspiration just by virtue of being a woman with power who chose to live by the sword. Now she was lost over the throne and Adal couldn't see how it was worth it.

Frandlin Ivo knew that it was a bad idea for someone like him to get involved in the games played by those more important. He did what he had to do, though, but was aware from the moment he realized Aunn was alive that he was living on borrowed time.

The Blight is over, Sereda Brosca lay dead, and Rica needs to find some way to deal with it. This would be a lot easier to handle if her last encounter with her sister hadn't involved disowning her. Rica knew she would never be able to make this right.

Zevran catches Aunn Aeducan staring at his hair and demands an explanation which quickly leads to him wondering if he should change it and searching for suggestions.

While wandering the Fade, Nathaniel and Anastasia come across the spirit of his deceased father.

Zevran and just why he's so fond of those small gold and silver bars.

Trian's put up with quite a lot from his stubborn little sister over the years but when Bhelen warns him that she means to kill him to take their father's throne he's not about to just stand back and let that happen. Come tomorrow, he'll be ready for her.

After Odelia Cousland reveals that she's convinced Bhelen's done all he's been accused of but intends to work with him anyway for the greater good, Alistair takes issue with her definition of 'it's for the best' and they have it out.

In which the ever-optimistic Pollyanna Brosca is determined to believe the best of everything and everyone around her during her origin and things really will work out for the best no matter how much everyone else wonders what's the matter with her.

After seeing Alistair reacting badly to his attraction to a Warden he can't stand, Zevran decides to helpfully get involved and try to advise Alistair...until he finds out it's worse than he thought and quickly tries to extricate himself from the mess.

After the defeat of the Archdemon, Arden Cousland goes to visit her predecessor and former lover in prison hoping to talk her out of choosing to die before swearing fealty to their new King.

King Endrin lives to see Aunn return to Orzammar a Grey Warden but what, exactly, did one say to the daughter they left to die to avoid a scandal? He supposed forgiveness was too much to ask for.

If Sereda Brosca had then maybe she wouldn't be here now, watching Alistair trying to break up with her, knowing that this was the only outcome she could live with.

A week before Anora's marriage to Cailan, she and Arden Cousland attempt to figure out what this means for them and if they're willing to keep up an impossible relationship. Warning: light femmeslash.

Right before Aunn leaves the Keep to return to Orzammar, Sigrun finally works up the nerve to ask if she'd ever been interested in Oghren since he was the only male dwarf around...

After joining Akatsuki but before being assigned any missions, Sasuke is forced to endure the company of his brother's former partner who seems determined to annoy him to the point that he begins to miss NARUTO. And why can't he get his name right?

To say that Alistair is reluctant to do the Dark Ritual is an understatement. Fortunately, he's just had a brilliant idea: his mage friend and fellow Warden Caunira Surana can do the ritual with him instead, right? Right? Not exactly...

Bhelen's plot to convince his brother that Trian's out to kill him hits an unexpected snag as he realizes that Reidin's terrified at the prospect of having to rule and views their other brother as his last line of defense...

Poor Alistair has been worrying for weeks on how to break the news to Angélique that he's the son of King Maric...only to find out that not only was she well aware of this fact but she didn't even realize it was supposed to be a secret.

When Alistair told Ahria Tabris that being a Grey Warden meant that she wouldn't get pregnant, she believed him. She shouldn't have. Now she's stuck in the middle of a Blight with a child on the way and has to take herself out of the fight...

In which Gorim attempts to inform Reidin Aeducan of his exile but gets distracted by Reidin's inability to hold a grudge, newfound daddy issues, and his insistence he'd rather go off to the Deep Roads alone to avoid being forced to be responsible...

In which King Bhelen confronts his Paragon brother Reidin on the fact that they've named their sons the EXACT SAME THING and they try to figure out which one of them should have known better...

Aunn fully intends to return to Orzammar after the Blight but Loghain points out that Amaranthine will need an Arl. People won't accept Loghain under normal circumstances but fortunately the pair have got the Myth of the First Warden on their side...

Angélique Amell, shallow, self-centered, and rather oblivious though she is, still had no business being so shocked to find out that the ever-stuttering Cullen liked her, at least if you ask an exasperated Alistair and the ancient Wynne.

Alistair valiantly attempts to save Reidin Aeducan's life by taking the final blow atop Fort Drakon, unaware of Morrigan's dark ritual. Unfortunately, attempting to explain the situation may allow for someone completely unworthy to steal the glory...

After Wynne and Leliana slay Alistair and the Warden for defiling Andraste's ashes, Morrigan is forced to explain to them that they've just doomed Ferelden and not even to SAVE the ashes. But how were they supposed to know? Warning: character death.

Laiarda Mahariel is eager to use her new status as Grey Warden to right the wrongs of her past...just sometimes she gets a little confused as to who exactly she, personally, needs to seek vengeance on. At least they were all horrible people, right?

Caunira Surana's heard Jowan's mad plan to escape from the Tower...and she wants nothing to do with it. She's been a Mage for two hours and already he wants her to risk Aeonar? Some friend he turned out to be. But still, she hopes it works out for him.

After Umbridge invades the DA and brings Harry to the Headmaster's office to be punished, he finds that the name at the top of the incriminating parchment wasn't 'Dumbledore' Army' but 'Dolores' Angels.' Only one thing to do then: Impersonate a fan club.

Aunn Aeducan knows the importance of connecting with new companions, but when her efforts to talk about pets with Anders makes him run away, she decides to bond about being exiled with the angriest member of the group...

Anastasia Theirin is greatly upset when one of her recruits dies in the Joining...especially since it was the only female warrior she had and now she has to take Oghren everywhere. Luckily, Alistair stops by on his way to the Bannorn to cheer her up...

Reidin is avoiding choosing his father's successor when suddenly he runs into a woman claiming to have had his child. That could very well be true but if he's actually expected to do something about it it might be helpful if he had any idea who she was...

Bhelen's plan was brilliant but it wasn't perfect. If different choices had been made, if things had gone differently then Aunn might never have been exiled and Trian might even have lived. Four ways Bhelen doesn't become heir to the Aeducan throne.

Aunn Aeducan has just received word that her father is dead...and all her friends seem to care about is that she never mentioned the whole princess thing. Perhaps it's because they never bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention to her life?

Kakashi is mildly disturbed to see Naruto sporting fox ears and a fox tail and even more disturbed to learn that they were apparently gifts from his new friend: the demon imprisoned inside of him. Is this Therapy Jutsu at work or something else entirely?

Sasuke's had his fair share of people claiming to be having his child but he'd never dated any of them before and they had all been decidedly female. Still, Naruto's quite convinced that he IS pregnant and logic isn't about to convince him otherwise...

Trian was always supposed to rule Orzammar after Endrin or, failing that, Aunn was. Bhelen's actions changed all that and suddenly he was called upon to become King. If he was going to have any hope of keeping that promise, he knew he'd need Aunn's help.

Thinking about the Sannin, Naruto comes to an unsettling realization: two of them and their teacher were all killed by a student of theirs. Could the still-comatose Tsunade be next? Needless to say, he's not going to be taking any chances...

Anastasia Theirin had never expected to see Nathaniel Howe again and is now left wondering what you said to a man whose father you greatly enjoyed killing. Chances were, the reunion would go a lot smoother if Oghren hadn't decided to tag along...

While marrying off Alistair to Anora, the Queen asks if Aunn will be a factor in their marriage and, upon finding out she won't, requests she lets Alistair know. Despite the fact they're not dating, Aunn agrees. She never said she'd do it the easy way...

When King Endrin is on his deathbed, Rica hears the rumors of Bhelen's involvement in his siblings' fate and Bhelen is quick to tell her what REALLY happened and how he can't help but feel a little responsible...

After a reluctant Alistair's coronation, Anastasia and Fergus realize they've somehow accidentally managed to control all of Ferelden through possession of both teynirs and marriage to an absentee ruler. Surely this was done intentionally...right?

When Ahria goes to tell Shianni that she's the new Bann of the Alienage, Shianni reflects on everything that led up to her suddenly becoming part of the nobility and how no matter what her cousin always come through for her.

When Bhelen's sister returns, he can't quite believe she really intends to help him retake their family throne. He accepts her help, all the while trying to figure out what game she's playing and waiting for her to give her support to the usurper instead.

Loghain doesn't survive the Joining and Alistair goes back to his fellow Warden to try and rejoin the team, claiming he was wrong about how morally bankrupt she was. Of course, she insists she's just that bad and would he mind sleeping with Morrigan?

After receiving a time travel jutsu as payment for a mission, the original four members of Team 7 each get a chance to go back to one event in their life and change it. Surely they will use such an awesome power responsibly...right? Don't count on it.

At his reunion with Sereda Brosca, Leske quickly realizes that maybe betraying his dragon-slaying Grey Warden best friend who wants to give him expensive things isn't necessarily the best plan...

After confronting Wynne on her troubling tattling tendencies when Morrigan used blood magic to help save the Circle, Aunn Aeducan gets an unwelcome lecture on relationships she's not even in.

During the Chuunin Exams, Sasuke and Temari find themselves alone together and end up bonding over the things they have in common: questionably sane teammates and homicidal brothers who could kill them at any moment.

Riordan survived his assault on the Archdemon and so did the other Grey Wardens. Now, he's quite eager to hear how the Blight was stopped without a sacrifice and the other three Wardens are just as eager to completely avoid the subject...

After an unsatisfying meeting with Goldanna, Lady Aeducan shares her experiences with her family and being a noble and Alistair quickly realizes that the only way for him to stay sane is to find some way to make Anora be Queen instead...

Following their disastrous first attempt at a reunion on Horizon, Kaidan and Shepard keep in touch and try to figure out why the galaxy hates Shepard, just how much they hate Cerberus, and how to have a better second reunion.

On their way home from the failed invasion, Temari and Kankuro attempt to deal with issues related to Gaara's apology, including whether he really means it, if he's going to eat them, and whether Naruto is secretly a cult leader.

As a Cousland, Anastasia is MORE than noble enough to become Queen and yet Alistair is still muttering some nonsense about duty whenever he's not complaining he doesn't want to be King. Looks like she's going to have to force his hand at the Landsmeet...

Samara quickly puts a stop to her daughter's attempt to love Shepard to death and the resulting reunion is rather tense, especially with Shepard there saying things no one wants to hear like how being evil doesn't mean you're no longer related...

After Naruto dragged him back to Konoha, Sasuke settled down with Sakura and had a kid. Tragically, he must have vengeance on Itachi and so eventually leaves again. Or tries to. His wife is NOT happy to be left behind again...

Mary Sue is very excited when she accidentally calls half of the Akatsuki to our world...until they kill her and decide to take over the world. How do they fare and what's happening back in the Narutoverse as a result?

A week after Tsunade starts at the Acadmey, she and Tobirama have a discussion that convinces her that being Hokage is a terrible idea and she should be a Shinobi instead of a Kunoichi. But hey, at least she doesn't think the Uchiha are evil.

While having lunch together one day, Iruka and Kakashi realize that everyone in Konoha thinks they are together. Bewildered, they attempt to track the source of these rumors as they barely even know each other. Surprisingly, not Yaoi.

Sasuke and Karin sneak into Konoha with plans to dispose of Danzo once and for all...only to discover he's apparently died of old age. While they try to figure out what to do next, Sai and Naruto show up and suspect foul play...

Ever wonder 'Why don't they just do that' "A lot of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic." Harry and Hermione, however, were raised in the muggle world and are therefore fully capable of thinking things through...A collection of of one-shots

Sakura and Ino are convinced their teammates think that they're weak. Upon failing to find support from their fellow Kunoichi, they decide that they have no choice but to leave Konoha and join the Akatsuki. Sadly, things do not go quite as planned...

So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.

The morning after Minato signs with the toads, Minato and Jiraiya try to work out just what Minato signed on the scroll. Minato insists he signed his own name but Jiraiya claims it says 'Arashi'...

Madara tracks down Naruto find out the answer to a very important question: Just how is he so persuasive? Initially reluctant, Naruto agrees if Madara explains his own powers of persuasion. Needless to say, the explanations just make them more confused.

Sasuke's been wandering alone since Madara's defeat and he's doing fine. Or he would be if Naruto and Sakura would leave him alone. Then to make matters worse his various relatives decide to stage an intervention. What part of 'fine' don't they get?

“Look, it was either that or telling everyone you were a zombie.” Gaara's resurrection has unexpected consequences when they have to find a way to explain it without mentioning forbidden jutsu. And sadly, those were two of the more reasonable ideas...

Post-series. Upon making Chuunin, Naruto and Co are called into Tsunade's office to hear some startling news: Naruto is secretly a girl. And apparently a lesbian. And no, she's still not in love with Sasuke. And why does no one ever tell her these things?

After confessing her undying love for Naruto, Sakura's convinced it is reciprocated and decides to plan out their relationship. Apparently she didn't discuss it with Naruto, though, and he's got some issues with her to work out. Recent manga spoilers.

In which a girl Haku decides to protect herself while travelling by pretending to be a boy...without actually changing her appearance in the slightest. Zabuza tries to understand her reasoning, but that seems to be as unbalanced as she is.

During his epic battle with Itachi, Sasuke realizes that this may be his last chance for answers and that nothing he's hearing makes any sense so he decides to finally start asking questions. He's kind of new at this, though, so might take awhile...

Hyuuga Hizashi was just minding his own business when he was accosted by a Hyuuga elder with a mad plan to save Hiashi from his own mistake: talking his twin into agreeing to a trade.

After the summit, Gaara finds Naruto and explains to him what Madara's current 'Master Plan' is. Needless to say, Naruto is not impressed and his faith in Madara's sanity takes a huge nosedive. "He either didn't think this through or he's lying to us."

Even though they both knew it was a bad idea, Hashirama needed an apprentice so Tobirama had to take a team. What they DIDN’T expect was to create the infamous bell test to get out of going over paperwork or to begin to turn the team against the Uchiha…

After listening to his team complaining AGAIN just because he showed up nine hours late, Kakashi decides he has the worst team ever and wonders what it would be like if he'd gotten a different team...on second thought, maybe Team 7's not so bad.

Itachi’s first day with the Akatsuki doesn’t start off the best: Kisame keeps calling him a kid, Orochimaru keeps hitting on him, Sasori turned himself into a puppet, and Zetsu might eat them all. He knew he should’ve stayed in Konoha…

Since Danzo's trial-run as Hokage doesn't really 'work out', it's time to select a new candidate. As the Daimyo is clearly susceptible to loud people, Shikaku only has one choice to prevent Danzo from picking one of his puppets: Maito Gai for Rokudaime.

Hashirama and Tobirama were only trying to assure Madara that winning the Hokage battle didn't mean they were planning on destroying the Uchiha, but they end up accidentally inspiring Danzo and feeding Madara's paranoia until he gets fired as clan head…

After the Chuunin Exam preliminaries, Neji and Tenten sit down and try and figure out why in the world Lee likes Sakura so much when they have almost nothing in common and practically no shared values. It...doesn't go very well.

After three years of brooding on his public humiliation, Kisame finally faces Gai again only to realize he has no idea who he is. Well that won't do! The epic battle over Gaara can wait. Let Operation: Remember Me! begin...

After the invasion, it is left to the Council to decide the results of the Exam. They refuse to promote an invader out of principle but they’d like to promote SOMEONE. And they need a new Hokage. And Itachi will probably be back. And Danzo keeps applying.

Upon hearing that Danzo wants to start treating Sasuke like a missing-nin, Sakura and Naruto run off to beg him to reconsider. Perturbed, Danzo points out that he IS a missing-nin and why they have to start acting like it, regardless of nostalgia.

After passing Kakashi's bell test, Naruto asks Sasuke why's he's not more excited. The Uchiha reveals that it was inevitable that they would, not only because he's amazing, but because of politics. His team doesn't understand, so he's forced to elaborate.

Though it pains Sakura greatly, she knows that it’s for the best that she and her best friend become bitter rivals…over a boy who cannot stand either of them. Ino, naturally, is confused and tries to change Sakura’s mind. Inevitably, they get sidetracked.

Madara, Izuna, Hashirama, and Tobirama meet to name the village and finalize the constitution. It quickly dissolves into an epic shogi match with Tobirama inadvertently convincing his students that the Uchiha are evil. It's all harmless, though...right?

When Kiba finds out that Naruto STILL hasn’t responded to Hinata’s love confession, he drags her off to confront Naruto, who’s talking with Sakura, who’s convinced he loves HER. Or does he love Sasuke? The time has come to sort this out. Not Kiba/Naruto.

Naruto is hurt that Sasuke didn't tell him about Itachi...or did he? Sasuke insists he talks about it all the time but Naruto hears too many sob stories to keep them all straight, Itachi tries to catch up with Sasuke and Kisame just wants to kill someone.

After Thirteen is fired again, she runs into Chase and forces him to listen to her most recent tale of woe. Not to worry, he assures her. If she just ignores the fact she doesn't work there and keeps hanging around, she'll have her job back in no time...

After beating Orochimaru, Sasuke hears of Shikamaru's success in getting revenge on Hidan in about a week and decides that since he's made little progress on that himself in the last eight years, he should seek him out and ask for some friendly advice...

In which Jiraiya and the Council team up to try and convince the Sandaime that revealing Naruto's Jinchuuriki status to everyone in Konoha is not exactly the best plan and Sarutobi professes his great faith in the people of Konoha constantly.

The night of the massacre, Sasuke decides he must be hallucinating and keeps nitpicking a time-pressed Itachi's attempts to convince him otherwise while delivering his infamous 'I'm evil! Seek Vengeance! Kill your best friend! ' speech.

In Hex, instead of just looking at Lois longingly, Chloe verbalizes her wish to Zatanna, who is at a loss as to why Chloe would want to be Lois. Her attempts to get to the bottom of it lead Chloe to realize maybe she doesn't want to be Lois after all...

In a rare moment of sobriety shortly before Doomsday, Oliver realizes that everyone's lives have fallen apart since Lex left and they no longer have a convenient scapegoat and calls him to try and convince him to return to Metropolis...

As per Shikamaru's request, Sakura and Naruto have a chat about whether or not it would be for the best to just kill Sasuke and get it over with or let him continue to be an idiot and possibly start a war. Spoilers for recent Manga chapters.

In which the Third Hokage, the three Sannin, and the Yellow Flash decide on the Fourth Hokage by means of 'not its', addressing a series of hypothetical situations, and seeing who's brave enough to put on Tsunade's cursed necklace.

After Naruto brings Sasuke back at the Valley of the End, the ever-nefarious Council decides to banish Naruto and make Sasuke the Rokudaime. Their plan works perfectly...until Naruto doesn't care, Sasuke runs away again, and Tsunade shows up.

James can't believe his luck when he finds a series of books all about their future son and can't wait to show Lily so she'll go out with him. What he didn't count on would be how hard it would be to convince her.

While stuck on the other side of the Gate, Ed encounters a Mary Sue attempting to do Kitten Transmutation and must stay strong while his brother and the Gate Guardian fall prey to Mary Sue's dubious charms all while trying to return to Amestris.

Udina reflects on Shepard's disastrous first day as a Spectre and ultimately decides that, for the good of the galaxy, Shepard must be stopped. That man is a regular PR NIGHTMARE...

Chronicling Dumbledore's never-ending and sometimes desperate attempts to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts position with anyone but Snape and Snape's persistent attempts to land the job anyway.

What if, instead of going back for Ginny's diary, Arthur decided to owl it to her? What if he discovered it wrote back? What if he took this knowledge to Moody and Dumbledore? The Chamber of Secrets has NOT been opened. Enemies of the heir, rejoice.

Lionel Luthor hates Christmas. He's also, sadly, doomed. Can a Christmas Carol experience turn his life around before he destroys himself, his son, and everyone around them? Takes place during second season.

What if the Dursley family had taken the more practical route of treating Harry kindly in order to keep him away from magic? What if it worked? What if he wants nothing to do with the wizarding world and Dumbledore has to solve his own problems for once?

Shamelessly playing on the fact that they are played by the same actor, the true backstory of Edward Cullen is revealed, at last!

Shortly after Cally dies, the Main Characters call a meeting to discuss why Tory is, in fact, not a Main Character and never will be and end up speculating on the Final Cylon.

After another Chamber of Secrets incident, Myrtle takes it upon herself to explain to her Potions class exactly what has been attacking everybody. Unfortunately, it's Potions with Slytherin.

Ron and Hermione's trip to the Chamber of Secrets, where Ron gets over his inferiority complex and Hermione discovers that anyone can speak Parseltongue if they're unobservant enough.

"Mudblood? Is that your idea of an insult or something?" Draco attempts to explain to Hermione why she should be offended.